DAY OF THE LIVING DEAD

(... OR HOW TO SPEND 8 HOURS IN THE OFFICE WITHOUT DOING A TAP)

A single employee will spend an average of 220 hours a year surfing the net. This represents a loss of approximately €146,000 to a company that employs 100 people. If you doubt the figures, type in 'Bored at Work' on Google and select 'Pages from Ireland'. 71,600 items come up.

There are other reasons for indolence at work. Some 48% of young professionals surveyed in England admitted being the worse for drink on at least one working day a week. Two-thirds had called in sick due to hangovers at least once in the preceding month. This is one huge problem here in Ireland. Alcoholism and drug abuse are costing the Irish economy close to €1bn a year, according to a 2003 report by former Kerry VHI executive Paddy Creedon. He argues that addictions are the greatest challenge for corporate Ireland. Here, though, the problem isn't so much hungover workers failing to turn up. The greatest cost is caused by employees who duly turn up at nine o'clock, but who cannot function.

"This is known as presenteeism," says Rowan Manahan, managing director of Fortify Services, a Dublin-based outplacement and career management firm. "And it can happen because workers have too high an expectation, and that expectation is bumping headlong into reality. You would not believe the number of people who tell us they got into law because they watch Ally McBeal or read John Grisham novels. They say 'that sparked my interest,' or 'I'm in medicine because ER is just the most amazing thing and I wanted to work in that environment'. That naive mindset meets the ugly reality of the world."

But it's not all about worker apathy - employers can be to blame. "They dress up jobs and make them sound wonderful in order to woo the best employees. They say, 'we will call it executive marketing assistant', and what they really mean is PA to the marketing department." Manahan believes that with all the paring back that has happened in companies it would be hard to get away with constant internet surfing. But that doesn't mean that employees feel any more alive. "In the early 1980s you had a secretary and you were handwriting stuff, and redrafting it - research took a humungous amount of time, but it was usually up to the junior to take care of that, leaving managers free to have time to themselves. They could think brilliant thoughts for 20 minutes a week. Now, even if you have a PA, you are doing the bulk of the correspondence and the donkey work yourself."

However, there is no denying that there is an awful lot of inappropriate internet use. "Any report shows up money spent on sex lines and on family emailing," says Rowan Manahan. "And it is no different than thieving. Using the internet in your employer's time is like unplugging the computer, tucking it under your arm and walking out of the building. Sitting there and doing nothing is theft. It's morally questionable, it's bad work ethic and it's career suicide. But much more important than that, it will eat away at most human beings."

So what can you do to get out of that desperate predicament? "The first step is to acknowledge that your situation is miserable, and terrible. That it is awful, and that is the scariest step of all. You have to ask yourself, 'how has this happened? I am down, I am depressed and my self esteem is getting battered. How have I ended up in this drudgery and this repetitious work? Why am I working for two hours a day and spending another six hours gazing at pictures of Pamela Anderson?'"

What it comes down to, Rowan says, is commitment. "Your first commitment is to yourself. You have to tell yourself that you are worth a good senior role and that you need a job that challenges you. You have to acknowledge that you are not there yet, but that you want to get there in two, three, five or seven years." He believes that you must motivate yourself by learning new techniques and skills. "You can build up a network of people who will be useful to you, and surf trade magazines to bone up on any area you see yourself working in. You turn a mental switch and decide when and where you want to go. It needs change. And whether that means change of responsibility, a change of team of boss of company, or a complete change of direction, change has to happen. And you start with the things that you can control."

Job coach Greg Dalton is well aware of computer misuse in work. "Whenever you walk through an office with a manager you notice workers clicking their mouse off a site." Greg was part of the 'living dead' for almost 20 years. "I got into sales at 20 with a fantastic salary and company car," he says. "I got good at it, but I didn't believe in it, and I got tired. But it was hard to change when I had a mortgage and bills to pay. I was scared to get out. I was bloody terrified." He finally left three years ago, and now gets enormous job satisfaction.

If you're utterly tired of being one of the living dead at work, it could be worse. You could end up as one of the 'dead dead'. In January 2004 a Finnish tax auditor died at his desk and for two days not one of the 200 people who worked on his floor noticed.
Sue Leonard

SEX, DRUGS, PORN - ALL IN A DAY'S WORK		Dead-end job: An overworked david Brent motivates the staff with his unique skills in The Office.
	A survey of 30,000 workers in California showed 1 in 5 had sex with a colleague during working hours.
	44% of men and 35% of women have had some kind of sexual contact at work.
	According to spysoware.com, 70% of internet porn sites are accessed during the 9-5 working day.
	In a European poll, 24% of workers were found to ahve fallen asleep at their desks, in a meeting or on the loo.
	A Survey in Time Out showed that 1 person in 3 had taken Ecstacy, cocaine, cannabis or amyl nitrate at work and almost 20% didn't bother to leave their desk to indulge.