PART 2, CHAPTER 11: A CASE STUDY IN BLUNDERS

A client company in the multimedia sector forwarded this one to me. An unsolicited application for a Graphic Designer position arrived clumsily folded into a small brown envelope. The stamp was applied crookedly and the letter was addressed to the ‘Personnell (sic) Manager’ of the company. There was no return address. My client runs a medium-sized multimedia company; as such, they have no Human Resources Manager – the MD and the person who handles the Accounts fulfil that function between them.

The cover letter was produced on nice bonded paper, but was not addressed to the target company, was not dated, and opened with ‘Dear Sir/Madam’. It then continued with: ‘I am writing to you in appilcation (sic) for any vacancy which should arise in the next few months, for which you feel I may be qualified.’

Any professional reader would have stopped reading by this point, because they would now know everything that they needed to know about this poor fool:

He is careless (indicated by the crooked stamp, the folded application, two typos so far and no addressee);

he is a bulk-mailer (that crooked stamp is a giveaway, the letter was not personalised in any way, plus both the letter and the CV were photocopied);

and he is not optimistic about his chances (clearly expects to be unemployed for a ‘few months’).

Even if your organisation was crying out for staff, would you call this half-wit back?

The cover letter continued with, ‘I have recently been made redundant from a position as a Multimedia Designer with Company Name. My duties at Company Name included W, X, Y and Z. …' (lots more information about the range of responsibilities, all of which were detailed again in the CV that was attached). The cover letter was signed in ink, ‘Yours sincerely,’ despite the lack of an addressee. (I suppose that we should have been grateful that the signature wasn’t photocopied too.)

The CV was a photocopied two-pager which gave information but no detail and highlighted responsibilities but gave no sense of accomplishment. There were no particulars of projects worked on, awards gained or even of the range of computer applications that the Designer was familiar with. He listed web design as a key responsibility, but did not have a website of his own that the reader could visit to view samples of his work.

Furthermore, the applicant had held 11 jobs in a nine-year period and offered references from only the most recent and from another of 4 years previously. The applicant also enclosed the most recent reference document, which gave us some insight into the redundancy – the company had experienced a ‘sharp downturn in market conditions’ and had to ‘with great regret’ terminate his employment.

Just about every mistake that you can make, encapsulated in three sheets of paper. (I did have one other beauty recently where the applicant attached insufficient postage and the receiving company had to shell out the difference – nice!) If this poor idiot ever got another job, I would be pleasantly surprised. Moreover, his ability to hold a job for any length of time should make for interesting reading.

I encounter this kind of thoughtlessness all the time and it makes my life easier on two counts:

IMPROVING THE ODDS
So what could this person have done to improve his chances? Let’s take it a step at a time.

	On being told that you are being made redundant, negotiate to make it seem as though you are still in the job for longer. Redundancy has become so prevalent there is no stigma attached to it any more; nevertheless, it has one major disadvantage. Don’t tell the marketplace that you are redundant until you have to – it drastically impairs your ability to negotiate remuneration. Make sure that the Referee you are using from that organisation is genuinely on your side and will say that you worked there longer than you did. This could give you up to six months’ more breathing space.
	If you are taking your career seriously, you should have your target list of organisations that you would like to work for already completed. If you don’t, a few days of hard work with the Yellow Pages, the internet, the local library and the phone should provide you with a solid list of prospects and suspects (see page 162, Research).
	NEVER write to Personnel/Human Resources unless you want a job in that department. Find out who the decision maker is. Get a name. Check the title and the spelling. Always write (a) to a person and (b) to the person who has real decision-making authority.
	If at all possible, don’t write cold. Telephone first and have a short (pre-scripted) chat. Then write to follow up (see pages 124 and 116, The Power of the Phone and Summing it up – The Cover Letter.)
	Focus on how good you are – not on what you have been required to do in previous jobs. Your CV should not read like a personnel file, it should be a glittering list of wins and accomplishments.
	Tailor, tailor, tailor. The only photocopy should be the copy for your files.
	Accuracy – if your spellling and grammur aren’t up to scratch, enlist help. Spell checkers on computers only go so far. Look at this sentence: Eye have a knew PC that cheques my spelling and eye trussed it too do it’s job. Not a single mis-spelt word, but garbage nevertheless. The grammar checker in your word-processing application may pick up on these mistakes, but there is nothing like a fresh pair of human eyes …
	Don’t include references unless they ask you to. It is like showing up for a first date with your entire family by your side (see page 177, Managing Your References).
	Follow up. Don’t expect them to call you (see page 124, The Power of the Phone) ... see more

Extract from Where's My Oasis? (The Essential Handbook For Everyone Wanting That Perfect Job) by Rowan Manahan. © Published by Vermilion (Random House) and priced at £12.99stg (circa €18.00), the book is available at all good booksellers and online through Easons and Amazon. More details here.